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This really gave me a good tickle:

So I was surfing around online when I found a website called "No Slang." (www.noslang.com). It's a website put together for the purpose of allowing parents to decipher what "the kids nowadays" are saying. Directly from their website: "Parents praised us for helping them understand what their kids were saying."

Sure enough.

Most interesting is the place on the website devoted strictly to drug slang. It's pretty nifty. You go there and there's a little spot for you to enter text, and you hit the "translate" button and it will provide the definition for whatever slang you enter.

What's really nifty is that you can enter an entire phrase, sentence, or paragraph, and it will translate the entire amount so parents can understand *exactly* what the kids nowadays are saying.

When you go to the site, it gives a sample phrase so you can try it out.

Sample: "Abe was in a fix when his check for a sandwich and some tea totaled over twelve dollars but he only had two fives."

Translation (word for damned word): $5 worth of drugs was Connected with drug suppliers LSD To inject a drug when his Personal supply of drugs for LSD Two layers of cocaine with a layer of heroin in the middle and some Marijuana;phencyclidine totaled over twelve dollars but he only had two Amphetamine.

Ahahahahaha I love it. What a precise science.

So I decided to test this thing. I entered what is perhaps the most cryptic language ever: The lyrics to Louie Louie. Now, nobody knows what the hell The Kingsmen are saying, so it was hard enough to find a fairly logical translation of their slurring and giberrish. But from what I can tell, the Kingsmen's incoherency is so drug-saturated that no matter WHAT an artist is singing about, it's really about drugs.

Here's a verse-by-verse translation.

Actual verse:

Louie Louie, oh no
Me gotta go
Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said
Louie Louie, oh baby
Me gotta go

Translation (LITERALLY copied-and-pasted):

Louie Louie, oh no Me gotta Amphetamines; methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA) Aye-yi-yi-yi, I said Louie Louie, oh Marijuana Me gotta Amphetamines; methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA)

Next verse:

Fine little girl waits for me
Catch a ship across the sea
Sail that ship about, all alone
Never know if I make it home

Translation:

Fine little Cocaine; Crack Cocaine; heroin waits for me Catch LSD ship across the sea Sail that ship about, all alone Never know if I make it home

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Folks, I'M SHOCKED. I've been senselessly blargling along to the lyrics of Louie Louie for years not knowing that I was propagating such heinous drug-related messages!

So I decided to do a little more hunting to see what I could find.

"Somewhere Over The Rainbow" from the Wizard of Oz:

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There's a land that I heard of Once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.

Translation:

Somewhere, over the LSD, way up high. There's LSD land that I heard of Once Connected with drug suppliers LSD lullaby. Somewhere, over the LSD, skies are Crack Cocaine; depressants; OxyContin. And the Opium that you dare to Cocaine Really do come true.

"A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes" from Cinderella:

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Translation:

LSD Cocaine is LSD wish your heart makes When you're Methamphetamine asleep In Opium you lose your heartaches Whatever you wish for, you keep

"Baby Baby (Heart in Motion)" by Amy Grant:

Baby, baby
I'm taken with the notion
To love you with the sweetest of devotion.

Baby, baby
My tender love will flow from
The bluest sky to the deepest ocean.

Stop for a minute
Baby, I'm so glad you're mine, yeah
You're mine.

Translation:

Marijuana, Marijuana I'm taken with the notion To Crack Cocaine you with the sweetest of devotion. Baby, Marijuana My tender Crack Cocaine will flow from The bluest sky to the deepest ocean. Stop for LSD minute Baby, I'm so glad you're mine, yeah You're mine.

First Book of Nephi 3:16, Book of Mormon:

Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord; therefore let us go down to the land of our father's inheritance, for behold he left gold and silver, and all manner of riches. And all this he hath done because of the commandments of the Lord.

Translation:

Wherefore, let us be faithful Connected with drug suppliers keeping the commandments of the Lord; therefore let us Amphetamines; methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA) Codeine coughCombination of marijuana and cough syrup to the land of our father's inheritance, for behold he left Marijuana; Crack Cocaine; heroin and silver, and all manner of riches. And all this he hath Methadone because of the commandments of the Lord.

Preamble of the U.S. Constitution:

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Translation:

We the people of the United States, Connected with drug suppliers order to form LSD PCP perfect union, establish justice, insure Locally grown marijuana tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

And finally, and MOST SHOCKINGLY:

Mother Teresa:

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.

Translation:

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of Crack Cocaine, LSD gift to that person, LSD beautiful Cocaine; Crack Cocaine; heroin; main drug interest at the momement.