Potpourri. Casserole. Party Mix.

Here are a list of thoughts that have been going through my head that are not each worth their own blog but need to be said anyway.

- At first I thought it was merely a park bench, but I must've unwittingly sat at a head game table, because I've just been overwhelmed with contestants lately and I didn't even know I was supposed to be playing along.

- The last two months have been a blur and I don't feel totally convinced that any of this is happening. The fact that I'm going to visit the Musicians Institute in Hollywood on Tuesday as a prospective student doesn't make any of this feel more real.

- I am doing okay, and I am not lonely. Some people cannot seem to accept that.

- Sometimes at night when I really get into an album I'm listening to, I get the delusion that it understands me.

- I am not lonely, but I am more alone than ever before.

- There are only two things in life that I want. This messes everything up because I only planned on one thing right now. Fortunately they are not mutually exclusive, but at the same time I have a feeling that it will be nearly impossible to make both happen. I've been here before. This time I think I will have to go with what's behind door number one instead.

- I have never been stronger, but I have never been more fragile either.

- I have gained a fluency through my instrument that I've never had before. Finally ideas are no longer destined solely to take the form of words.

- "There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come." -Saul Williams

- Sometimes I wonder: When I look back at this time in my life, will things seem as clear as they do right now? Am I delusional or just paranoid?

- I need a hug.

- I keep bouncing between two poles: Not believing in destiny, and being deathly afraid of it.

- At some point I hope to break the cycle and climb high without the inevitable fall.

- All the Sunday School sermons about valleys and mountain tops could have never prepared me for this.

- I do not know how, but I feel that all my life has prepared me for this.

- Does the definition of substance abuse vary person to person?

- I simultaneously want to feel everything but also become numbed to everything.

- I would choose freedom over money any day. But I am rarely faced with the choice. It's usually freedom vs. nothing, and when I slip into old habits I end up picking nothing. So maybe there's a reason why I haven't been allowed to graduate to the freedom vs. money test yet.

- I still remember my best friend's phone number from grade school. I have not even begun to try to forgive myself for how I treated him Freshman year of high school. He seems to be doing really well now. I don't know if he would be doing so good if we had remained friends.

- Confession is good for the soul.